What’s the best way to see London’s main sights, learn about the horrible history of the most famous river in London and ensure the kids don’t complain? Take a trip on board the Horrible Histories boat tour, and discover the Terrible Thames.
The best selling book series ‘Horrible Histories’ by Terry Deary have already been brought to life with a TV series and on stage by Neal Foster and now they’re hitting the high seas – or rather the Thames river.
The hugely popular Horrible Histories series – that shares historical facts while highlighting all the nasty bits – is a fun and engaging way for children (and their parents!) to learn.
Terrible Thames launched two years ago and has been a huge success, returning during the warmer school holidays for a sensational sightseeing tour of the River Thames. Here’s what to expect.
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The Horrible Histories boat tour
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Like most Horrible History stories the idea behind the Terrible Thames is to bring the past alive and transform dull dates and boring facts into stories that kids might actually remember.
This means using laugh-out-loud immersive theatre to bring the dark and gory history of the Thames to life.
Your guide for your Horrible Histories boat tour is Billie, a schoolchild who has won a special trip along the River Thames with her teacher. Both actors are from the Birmingham Stage Company. Together the duo trade titbits, offer nuggets of information and try and outdo one another with gruesome stories. Billie, in particular, draws on her family’s long London lineage to share fun facts, curious tales and, of course, fart jokes.
The dialogue is fast and furious and you often have only seconds to digest one snippet of history before the pair move onto the next intriguing fact. The dialogue is fast and furious and you often have only seconds to digest one snippet of history before the pair move onto the next intriguing fact.
In fact, my only criticism would be that the pace is a little too fast at times – it’s hard to take in all the information as well as the amazing sights of London.
Nevertheless, the performance is funny. Very funny. The script manages to achieve that magical balance of entertaining kids and making parents chuckle too. When we travelled on board there were some very well-timed quips about Boris Johnson and parties at No. 10 Downing Street that went down very well with the older members of the audience.
All aboard!
So, what do you learn on board the Horrible Histories boat tour?
Well, for starters, you learn that the River Thames has the most fascinating history. During the cruise Billie and her teacher cover incredible stories of King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper, the Duke of Wellington and Captain Kidd.
There are tales of treason and pirates, revolutions and beheadings, and even some sea shanties towards the end of the cruise when the while boat is encouraged to join in singing ‘What Shall We Do with a Drunken Sailor?’
The tour also shares facts that even born and bred Londoners might not know such as the time capsule buried beneath Cleopatra’s Needle! It was planted by Victorians in 1878 and is apparently filled with (among other things) portraits of ‘pretty ladies’ as well as a painting of Queen Victoria.
The Horrible Histories boat tour takes a loop along the river taking in the main central London sights along the way including the Houses of Parliament (the Palace of Westminster), London Eye, Tower Bridge, London Bridge, HMS Belfast, the Shard and the Tate Modern.
It’s a fantastic journey, a unique take on the standard sightseeing tour, the chance to see some glorious views of London, and a great way for the whole family to explore the city together. It’s easily one of the best things to do in London with kids.
The Terrible Thames Boat Tour – all you need to know
There are multiple daily sailings during the school holidays with sailing during the Easter holidays and May half term. Sailings during the summer holidays start on 13 July. Do book your boat trip in advance. The trip lasts 45 minutes.
The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay near St Katherine’s Dock on the north bank of the Thames, not far from the Tower of London. The nearest tube stop is Tower Hill underground station.
The Terrible Thames tour takes place on board open air Thames Clippers. If you’re lucky enough to time your trip for a sunny day then the performance takes place on the upper deck. In the event of rain, the performance will take place on the lower interior deck. Although the top deck is definitely the best for seeing London’s most iconic landmarks, you can still get good views from the lower deck.
Where: The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay near St Katherine’s Dock. It’s not far from the Tower of London.
Horrible Histories boat tour prices:
Adult / Child £25/15
Family Ticket (2 adults, 2 children) £70
Family Ticket (1 adult, 3 children) £60
